Top things to avoid in Cape Town

Being a tourist in Cape Town is a breeze. This city is so beautiful that even the lamp-posts catch your eye. And there are countless activities to choose from. But that’s where the challenge lies.

Activities to stay away from in Cape Town

Don’t get swayed by fancy advertisements or sponsored articles that boast about the “Top 10 things to do in Cape Town”. Just like in life, this city can sometimes leave you feeling disappointed. Here’s what you should skip – and what you should do instead.

1. Skip the Waterfront

Initially, a small dock built by Jan van Riebeeck back in 1654, the V&A Waterfront might seem like an enticing destination. But there’s more to Cape Town than this tourist magnet.

When you’re shopping, the location doesn’t really matter. Whether it’s next to the ocean or in your own town, the experience is pretty much the same. You’re still spending money and probably paying more than you would like. And don’t even get me started on those overpriced attractions like the ferris wheel.

Instead of going to a waterfront mall, why not try something different? Enjoy the simple act of buying things without all the flashy lights and crowds. You don’t need to be at the water’s edge to have a good time. In fact, did you know that you’re already on a peninsula?

(Edit: Okay, I’ll admit it. I learned my lesson after the folks from the Waterfront kindly enlightened me about geography. Turns out, there’s more to this place than just expensive stuff. So, if you promise to steer clear of the fancy handbags, I’ll share with you 12 budget-friendly activities you can enjoy at the Waterfront.)

2. Hang out with penguins at Boulder’s Beach

I’m a big fan of penguins! Who wouldn’t be charmed by these small birds with their distinctive smell and loud noises? But here’s a warning: penguins don’t reciprocate the love. In fact, they’re quite grumpy and full of mischief. Don’t be surprised if you see them trying to throw themselves under cars. It’s like they have a death wish!

But hold on a second before you rush to pay for the privilege of being snubbed by these evolutionary oddities. Why not consider visiting the seals at Kalk Bay or Hout Bay harbor instead? These creatures are just as noisy, smelly, and belligerent, but at least they have a sense of respectability. And if you absolutely must experience the avian side-eye, you can always go to the Two Oceans Aquarium. They have penguins there too, but they also throw in some sharks to make the deal more interesting.

Now, let’s talk about something more relaxing. How about enjoying some fancy cocktails at that place in Camps Bay? Just picture yourself sipping delicious drinks while soaking up the beautiful turquoise water. It’s a great way to unwind and enjoy the view. So, next time you’re in Cape Town, be sure to check it out!

That’s all for now. I hope you found these suggestions helpful. Remember, when it comes to unique experiences, it’s all about finding the right balance between excitement and relaxation. So go out there, explore, and have fun!

Listen, Camps Bay is not bad or anything, but it’s a little too polished for my taste. If you’re like me, you want to experience the real deal, the local flavor. That’s why Muizenberg beach is where it’s at. Let me tell you why it’s the place to be.

First of all, when it comes to meeting people, Muizenberg has Camps Bay beat. You’ll encounter a diverse crowd of Capetonians who are down-to-earth and friendly. It’s like a melting pot of different cultures and backgrounds. People don’t come here to show off; they come here to enjoy themselves.

Not only that, but the water at Muizenberg is actually tolerable. Unlike Camps Bay, where it feels like swimming in a torture chamber filled with icy razors and zesty lemon juice, Muizenberg offers slightly warmer waters that won’t leave you shivering in agony.

And let’s talk about parking. Ugh, the nightmare of finding a spot in Camps Bay is enough to make anyone tear their hair out. But at Muizenberg, you won’t have to sacrifice a precious Krugerrand just to park your car. There’s plenty of space available, so no need to stress.

Now, let’s get to the good stuff. Here are five awesome things you can do in Muizenberg:

1. Neighbourgoods Market, but not before 9am

If you’re looking for a calendar of exciting events, unique celebrations, and live music, the Neighbourgoods Market has you covered all year round.

This place is a treasure trove of amazing and tasty things. From salted caramel necklaces to organic clothing and bespoke cheese – everything here is a feast for the eyes and the taste buds. It’s no wonder that people flock to this place like zombies on a highway every Saturday morning. But with all the crowds and hungover youths scrambling for their purchases, getting what you want can feel like an eternity.

But imagine this: what if you could beat the rush and get there early? Well, at the City Bowl market on Hope Street, you can do just that. It’s smaller than the Neighbourgoods market, so it fills up less quickly. That means you won’t have to resort to elbowing your way to the green juice stand.

5. The Cable car

There are so many ways you can experience Table Mountain, each one unique and exciting. But let me tell you, if you’re looking for a calm and peaceful experience, Table Mountain might not be your best choice. Why? Well, let me explain.

Table Mountain is more than just a gorgeous rock towering over the city of Cape Town. It’s a whole ecosystem with plants, birds, dassies (rock hyraxes), streams, and yes, even litter. To truly appreciate its beauty, you have to immerse yourself in its surroundings and interact with everything it has to offer.

But don’t just take my word for it. Check out this amazing video of a caracal, a wild cat, roaming around Table Mountain. It just goes to show that Table Mountain is full of surprises.

Instead: If you can physically do it, you should climb it on foot. Climbing mountains is an important and honorable journey. Think of all the brave explorers throughout history like Amundsen, Bear Grylls, and Sherpas. You are carrying on a proud tradition that dates back to the beginning of humanity. You are a conqueror and a learned individual. You could even climb all three peaks in a single day if you wished.

6. Hiking Lion’s Head on a Full Moon

Photo by Chris Linegar

It’s crazy how timing can make or break a romantic experience. Are you here during what locals in Cape Town refer to as “season?” Let me tell you, it’s not just any old season, it’s THE season. This is when people from all over South Africa and the world descend upon Cape Town, turning it into a buzzing hive of activity that can only be alleviated with some sunburn and a glass of wine. But let me warn you, if you choose to do the full-moon hike during this time, don’t expect it to be a romantic rendezvous. It’s more like waiting in line on a Saturday morning after payday – crowded and chaotic.

So, here’s a pro tip: go the night before or the night after the full moon. That way, you’ll be able to enjoy the hike with a much better view, without the overwhelming presence of other people.

7. Burger-and-shake at Cafe Royale

You know what? Hudsons is famous for this. Cape Town has a bunch of cool spots where you can enjoy craft beer and pretend not to exist while a student with artsy vibes and eccentric hair chooses to ignore you. We’re pretty good at this kind of thing. Let me tell you about the best burger joints in town.

But wait! There’s something better: The Dog’s Bollocks. Now, if you really want a good burger, this is the place to be. And if you’re looking for that grungy, gritty side of town, then Lefty’s is where you need to go. It’s a hipster joint that proudly declares itself as a “dive bar.” Here’s the thing – they take a waffle, pile it up with fried chicken and bacon, pour syrup all over it, and you actually pay to eat it. Crazy, right?

8. Get your spices from Atlas Trading Company

Listen up, folks! I’ve got a juicy secret to spill – these spices we’re talking about? They definitely didn’t come from Atlas. And that’s precisely why they all have their own unique flavors.

Let me tell you, Atlas is a hard habit to break. It’s got that genuine feel, nestled in the colorful Bo-Kaap neighborhood, right by Rocksole. And let me just say, you can hear the sweet melodies coming from the mosque – it’s all so #Malay. But here’s the thing, being the biggest spice warehouse in Cape Town comes with its own challenges. The cumin mingles with the coriander, which likes to hang out with the garam masala. And if you’re a fan of basmati that tastes like incense or ground almonds that tickle your taste buds with fennel, then none of this is a problem for you.

Nevertheless: I still encourage you to take a little sniff around the Bo-Kaap and Atlas. Go on, immerse yourself in the vibrant atmosphere. But here’s my suggestion: after that, treat yourself to a delightful meal at a Cape Malay restaurant. Trust me, it’s a better idea than trying to concoct something edible out of sixteen bags of indistinguishable dust.