My Adventure in Camping: A Beginner’s Guide
Last year, I found myself in a unique situation when I started dating an alpha-male. Little did I know, he had a surprise in store for me – a 12-day camping trip by the sea. Now, before you start envisioning a romantic getaway fit for royalty, let me set the record straight: this was no ordinary trip. We were going to rough it out, embracing the wild and leaving modern comforts behind. No running water, no toilets – just the beach and the wilderness. And so, our adventure began, high up on the West Coast, surrounded by a mountain of mussel shells.
As the world was caught up in the festivities, I embarked on my crash course in camping. Every moment was a learning experience, and here are some valuable insights I gained:
- Being in a 4×4 is like being in a secret club – you automatically become a member of the Land Rover Get-a-long Gang. All it takes is being a passenger, and suddenly you find yourself smiling and waving at strangers who drive the same type of car.
- However, trying to do your nails while in a 4×4 (even if it’s a Land Rover and you’re part of the Get-a-long Gang) is not a good idea. It’s nearly impossible to maintain a ladylike appearance while driving, and you’ll end up with feet that look worse than roadkill.
- If you absolutely must do your nails, I suggest choosing a more neutral color than Flaming Fireside Red. Otherwise, you’ll end up looking like a walking disaster.
- I can tell you from personal experience that long car trips with young children are a real nightmare. It feels like a horror movie, and you’ll be longing for a peaceful night’s sleep. The only saving grace is when you make a pit stop at a Wimpy to eat. Just be careful not to let them have too much sugar…
- Let me give you a piece of advice: never accept free gifts from petrol stations. Trust me, you don’t want to be trapped in a car with hyperactive kids singing their hearts out to Waka Waka (This Time For Africa) while you’re completely sober. It’s an experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Thanks a lot, Engen…
- Here’s a pro tip for you: always bring your own iPod and make sure it’s fully charged before getting into a car that someone else is driving. Trust me, you’ll be thankful for the escape that your favorite tunes provide.
- Let me tell you, peeing in the woods is not at all romantic, no matter what people say. Trust me, it’s not a pleasant experience, especially in the dark when you’re half-asleep and desperately searching for a clean spot. Trying to be quiet so you don’t wake anyone up adds a whole new level of difficulty to the situation. And don’t even get me started on the painful encounters with sharp shells that can ruin your perfectly pedicured feet.
- Believe me, trying to hold it in and ignoring the urge to go is a terrible idea. You might think that you’ll be able to go back to sleep and avoid the hassle, but the reality is much worse. Holding it in for too long can lead to a dreaded bladder infection, and let me tell you, that’s not something you want to deal with. Trust me, it’s better to just find a bathroom and take care of business.
- Don’t bother bringing double-ply toilet paper when camping. No amount of soft tissue will make squatting on an aloe any less embarrassing. Instead, pack Citro Soda for emergencies or read your Getaway magazine thoroughly.
- When camping, the sun rises at least two hours earlier. And if your partner snores, make that three. Apparently, it’s a natural phenomena.
- Swimming in the sea might seem romantic on the first day, but after that, it’s just cold, salty, and unpleasant. Cold showers are also never fun, even in hot weather.
I have to admit, showering in front of other people is quite awkward, even if it’s just family. But let me tell you, it’s a whole different level of uncomfortable when those people aren’t your family. It’s like being stuck up in the most extreme way imaginable.
Now, let’s talk about braais. There’s no denying that they are a big part of our culture. But trust me on this, you can definitely have too many braais. After a while, it starts to lose its charm. So, maybe mix it up a bit and try something different every once in a while.
Here’s a little tidbit of advice: don’t bother packing fancy perfumes or deodorants when you go camping. After a few days in the wilderness, everyone starts to smell a bit like a campfire. And let’s be honest, that’s not exactly the most pleasant fragrance.
When it comes to footwear, make sure you choose something practical and sturdy. Those fancy flip-flops might look nice, but they won’t last long in the great outdoors. Trust me, I’ve learned this the hard way. Your feet will end up looking like a wreck, and you’ll wish you had borrowed some proper shoes.
So there you have it, a few things to keep in mind when embarking on your outdoor adventures. Just remember, it’s all about finding that balance between comfort and practicality. Happy camping!
- Sand can be a real pain. It always finds a way to sneak into every nook and cranny, and getting rid of it can feel like an endless task. And if you ever get knocked over by a big wave, you’ll still be finding sand in your ears for days.
- Everyone gets cravings, even for salads. You don’t have to be pregnant or a supermodel to miss the crisp, fresh taste of leafy greens. Trust me, after eating nothing but meat for days, even the toughest guys start daydreaming about a light, refreshing Greek salad.
- Don’t underestimate the power of good spelling. You never know when a clever 11-year-old will challenge you to a game of Scrabble, first thing in the morning, before you’ve even had your coffee. Bringing a pocket-sized dictionary may be considered cheating, or it might be the smartest move you ever make.
- Make sure to stock up on local artisan beer, like Darling Slow Brew, instead of The Bone Crusher. Trust me, you don’t want your skull and sobriety both crushed if you drink it on an empty stomach in the sun.
- Invest in good seats. Don’t settle for cheap camping chairs. Spend a bit more on a comfortable mattress. Trust me, Mother Earth can be tough.
- Don’t expect the novelty of a blow-up mattress to last very long. It wears off surprisingly quickly.
- Even as an adult, it’s still fun to roast marshmallows over the campfire. Just make sure to buy enough so you don’t have to steal from the kids. And don’t forget to purchase wet wipes… trust me, you’ll need them afterwards.
So, let’s talk about some things that are important to me. First off, I always make sure to wear my own wetsuit when I’m out in the water. It’s like my underwear, and I don’t want to borrow someone else’s. Plus, maybe I’m just a little picky like that.
Now, let’s move on to food because, well, who doesn’t love food? One of the best things I’ve ever tasted is freshly caught crayfish on the grill. And you know what makes it even better? Dipping those juicy legs in some Nando’s Perinaise. Trust me, it’s a flavor explosion you don’t want to miss.
Okay, now let’s talk about something a little more adventurous. Picture this: you’re out in the sand dunes, watching your friend try to impress his new wife by towing their stuck car out of the sand. There’s something undeniably attractive about watching a guy take charge and show off his skills. It’s strangely sexy, don’t you think?
And last but not least, let’s talk about technology. We’re all so connected these days, constantly checking our social media accounts and updating our statuses. But you know what? You can actually survive without all that. Trust me, you won’t die if you go a few hours without checking your Facebook or Twitter feed. In fact, it might even be good for you to take a break and disconnect for a bit.
So, these are just a few things that I find important in life. Wearing my own wetsuit, enjoying good food, embracing adventure, and taking a break from technology. It’s all about finding the balance that works for you.
So here’s the deal: When it comes to camping, there are a few things you need to keep in mind. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of outdoor adventures, and let me tell you, it can be both amazing and challenging. But don’t worry, I’ve got some wisdom to share.
- First things first: Use sunscreen. And I mean really use it. Apply it generously, especially when you decide to indulge in a little Christmas celebration with a refreshing G&T and a spontaneous skinny dip. Sunburn is no fun, believe me.
- Here’s another tip: Don’t let things get under your skin. It’s not easy, I know, especially when your partner’s alpha-male son decides to call you “dad’s little stukkie” (whatever that means). Of course, it might sting a bit, but trust me, don’t react. Don’t show any sign of being offended because those words can stick with you forever.
Now, here’s the bottom line: Camping is an incredible experience. Connecting with nature, escaping from the daily grind – there’s nothing quite like it. But let me tell you a secret: it’s important to know when to call it quits. Before you start losing your sanity, pack your bags and head back home. It’s all about finding the balance.
So, what have I learned from camping?